By far, the worst thing about being an art history major is having to write papers.
i fucking hate writing papers. don't get me wrong, i'm pretty damn good at it, but i HATE it. I'm 500 words from completing a paper about Jean-Michel Basquiat and Jimi Hendrix and it's just not coming together. Plus I am exhausted from two days without sleep and I'm also pretty hungry. The payday i got out of the vending machine just didn't do it for me.
OH DEAR GOD WHEN WILL IT END?!
well, it will end may 2009 for at least a year, i know... fucking grad school. oh well. i finish exams this semester on may 7th. and then i get to go home for a week on the 13th, chill with my parents, and THEN head out to DC with anya for a few weeks. she's got some summer internship back in the ath though, so we can't stay for long.
i have a song stuck in my head but i can't figure out what it is. it's got some weird squeaky part to it...
anyway. so i "finally" told my boss i am gay the other day. he was all like "you didn't really tell me." which is bullshit. but apparently a close friend of his whom I've known since my freshman year told him last semester. thing is, i am sort of miffed with him because we were talking about our gayness today and he was like "I don't think you're really a lesbian" which i get all the time, but it was sort of annoying coming from him because he's not exactly the gayest man i've ever met either (that would be brett, and yes if you know him you may now shriek with laughter). Anyway, so we sort of half talked about why i'm not such a great lesbian but didn't bother to explain to him how convoluted my sexuality is but that yes... i am in fact a tried and true homo. oh well. it's not like he's the head of the homo mafia (and if he is, I want out... haha... get it?) oh well. but to get back to the point of my journal: I did shoot a roll of film the other night. I actually shot several over the past couple of weeks, but mostly on C41 color film that I am too lazy to get developed. I only shot one roll of black and white film, which I will have to wait until august or september to develop because i dont have dark room access until then. However, there are lots of sneaky pictures of my boss (who besides being the head of the gay mafia is also a Total Hottie) and I'll post what's good if they come out.
So i probably wont have much to say until the end of may...
huh. maybe while im in DC i'll finally finish uploading all the work i did in 2007... i haven't done much this year or last fall even, but i figure i should make use of what i've got... so maybe. we'll see.
amanda
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if i could be anybody,
i would be donald rodney
or frida khalo
or jean-michel basquiat
or chris ofili

i would show the world it's pain and turn it into love.
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in a sad, desperate attempt to get my life back in order, i'm going back into therapy on friday.

at least i've stayed clean for the past couple of months.

i feel completely unmotivated to pick up my camera again.
this can't be what true love feels like.

i am starting to think that i can't do this anymore. i want a place where i can hide. i wish i had my license.
i wish i had a car.

ugh. i could really use a smoke.
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I should be sleeping or at least attempting to finish my theology homework. but...

I freaking love all these random things I get myself into. Erin has some friends who are really into the fetish scene and they're inviting us to shoot with them. swag.
I have several appointments to do some fetish (and no, we're not talking latex) photography with my school chums. I am also going to shoot my friend Whitney soon, who is a riot and really fun to chill with so hopefully we'll get some good shots.
I am still toying with the gender shoot with ethan. it's in the works... no dresses have been purchased, but i think i already mentioned we purchased several toys.
i am trying to convince some of my gay male friends to do some work in the vein of mapplethorpe. so far no takers (BOOOO.)
i think I am going to invite my boss to do some shots. I have to show him my portfolio first though so he knows what he's getting into. he's atypical, but im into that.
the house of dobbs is a mess. it's going to get messier this weekend with all these fun things im planning. there will be cupcakes, candy, and condoms. Im a regular betty crocker when you get down to it... or what did they call me, martha stewart in black? fuckwads.
I bought a frock sunday. it's blue. maybe i'll wear it soon, the weather's been nice.

other than that, im biding my time until i get to go home and chill with my parents. i've gotten so homey in my old age. whoo.
Oh, and for those who know what this means: i'll be living in clairmont next year, as the (drumroll please...) SRA. badass, I know. apparently the urc is so big we get pagers and they keep two RAs on call a night. I wish someone had mentioned that, scheduling is going to be a bitch. Ah well. i'll probably make one of my roommates live on the sofa and convert her bedroom into a darkroom. actually, that's a pretty good idea...
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ok i was going to clean my LJ and my myspace (and my deviant art... lord i have a lot of blogs) but i am lazy and tired.
so.
shit, i had something to say. OH YEAH FETISH. I keep straying away from pin up, fetish, and costume photography, but i love them like i love orange juice (and i loooove orange juice) so i figure i should really get on that and start building a decent portfolio. my current one is lacking. bleh. i did get to do a pretty interesting photoshoot with clara the other day, and she's a fantastic model to work with. i just need to learn how to tap into her energy to get some really complex pictures. she's volunteered to do some pin up for me in the figure, and some twenties/forties style fashion so hopefully i'll drag myself back to athens during spring break to work on that. my senior thesis needs to get crackin', pronto. i will not be able to produce anything even halfway descent if i wait until the night before to execute, develop, and print the whole setup. AH it gives me a headache just thinking about it.

you know what? no, no more journal entry. panda goes to sleep now. bye bye, turning off now.
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